Flowers, Letters, and Open Hearts

Today a no-show at a prayer appointment left me with a little bit of free time to hit Trader Joe’s, one of my favorite places to shop.  Arriving to the usual sea of cars, I still found a good parking spot and headed on in to shop.  But today was a little different: I had prayed, “Lord, use this time however you want to.”  So, when I saw the adorable young mom with pigtails, a frontpack baby carrier complete with sleeping baby, and a full cart of groceries, I noticed how she seemed just a tad worried as she waited.  I wondered, what could I say if I just walked up to her.  Nothing came to mind.  

Then, as I walked into the store I spotted the flowers and heard a nudging voice. “Why don’t you buy her flowers?” 

The wide assortment of fresh flowers drew my eyes, but I quickly began to think of reasons not to buy them.  But I stopped.  This time was different as I realized, “I know I will be sorry if I don’t obey.”  So, I quickly picked a colorful bouquet and brought them to the check out, keeping an eye out the window.  She was still there.  

I made a bee line for her just as someone pulled up to the curb, probably her husband.  There I stood with a bunch of flowers and a smile.  When she turned toward me, I said, “These are for you!”  I quickly added, “When I noticed you standing here, God prompted me to buy you some flowers.  So I did.” 

I felt a little awkward, but the adorable young mom just beamed.  “Thank you!  I love flowers!”  

I smiled and replied, “You’re welcome.  God bless you.  Have a good day.”  And with a little wave to her staring husband, I went back in the store.

End of story?  Did I simply brighten one person’s day?  No, I prayed for that young mom over and over as I placed items in my cart and as I drove home.  I prayed that this would be one significant touch in her life that would bring her closer to God.  I prayed that each time she looked at those flowers, she would think not of me but of God who prompted me.  I prayed that she would be one who now understood that “God sees me” and “He knows where I live” and “He cares.”

The rest of the story is hers to write with Jesus.

But my story continues, because there was something significant that broke when I did that simple act of obedience. Suddenly I could see the tender opening that had been created by a simple gift, by someone feeling like God noticed them.  I saw how vitally important it could be!  Then the Lord reminded me of an idea I’d forgotten.  In the movie The Letter Writer, (watch on Amazon) an elderly man has a gift of writing letters that bring love, hope, and revelation to people he doesn’t know.  After watching that movie some years ago, I thought that perhaps “letter writing” could be an actual prophetic ministry inspired by Holy Spirit.  Back then, I wasn’t ready for that.  But as I drove home from the store it occurred to me that perhaps now IS the time for me to pursue it.  I even purchased special stationary for the purpose of writing these letters!

Lord, help me as I walk it out.  I know there will be a lot of resistance, mostly inside my own mind. Help me to follow exactly as you guide me.

And bless that young mother today as she cares for her baby, reminding her of your love every time she sees those flowers.  Bring as many touches as she needs to fall in love with you!

Daniel 9 - a prayer for now

Dream. August 13 - I saw a book that was lying on the floor and next to it lay a torn page.  I knew that the book on the ground was a Bible, so I went over to it to pick it up.  I saw that it was open somewhere in the middle of the book.  As I leaned down, I saw that it was open to Daniel.  I looked more closely and it was open to Daniel Ch 9 -10.  Ch 9 was on one side and Ch 10 on the other.

This morning when I woke up, I did not remember the dream.  I picked up my Bible and opened it.  The page that it opened to was Daniel 1.  (I had not been reading that book recently.)  This reminded me, and I recalled the whole dream. 

Lord, I have read Daniel 9 again, Daniel’s pray of repentance for the sins of his people.  I know that these chapters are apropos to our current sinful state as a church in America.  I am not sure though how to apply it.  Do you just want me to pray Daniel’s prayer?

Lord, help me to understand the dream … what do you want me to take from this and why do you want me to remember it?

This is a prayer to PRAY!  Don’t just read it and agree, but pray it!  Pray for your people, the people of America who are called by my name.  They look to leaders to rescue them, but I am the only one who can rescue, and I cannot rescue them until they call out to me – until they are aware of their need.  They do not know that they are in over their heads.  They are not aware of the danger – fairly confident that they will be able to handle it with the help of leaders and politicians.  But until they realize that the danger is real and that I am their only savior, they will not cry out to me. 

Cry out to me that I will come, but also cry out to me that the people around you will realize their deep need. 

There is a numbing and resignation that has occurred.  Many of the people say, “There’s nothing we can do.”    For others there is an indignation and anger that they call “righteous anger.”  It is not righteous, for it is not my heart to destroy those who are deceived.  Neither response – resignation or indignation - is correct.  Read Daniel 9 to determine the appropriate response.

Daniel 9, paraphrased from the Amplified, as a prayer for now:

³ And I set my face to the Lord God to seek Him by prayer and supplications, with fasting and sackcloth and ashes;⁴ And I prayed to the Lord my God and made confession and said:

“O Lord, my God who is worthy of honor, respect, and worship, You are a covenant-keeping God, who is full of mercy and loving-kindness, remembering mercy for those who love You and keep Your commandments!  [And also remembering mercy when we mess up and fail to obey You!]

⁵ We [your people in the USA] have sinned and rebelled, turning against Your ways, in so many ways, setting aside Your commandments and ordinances in favor of our own ways.

⁶ We have stubbornly refused to listen to and heed the warnings issued by Your servants, the prophets, who spoke in Your name to our leaders, [our pastors and our forefathers, and to all the people of the land.]

⁷ O Lord, righteousness belongs to You, but to us belong confusion and humiliation in this day—[throughout our nation and the people who call themselves by your name.]  We are put to shame because we have sinned against You and refuse to acknowledge our sin.

⁸ Even our leaders are filled with confusion and shame, because we have sinned against You [and refuse to listen when our leaders attempt to bring correction.]

⁹ To You, Lord God, belong mercy and loving-kindness and forgiveness, though we have rebelled against You;

¹⁰ And we have not obeyed Your voice, Lord our God; we have not been walking in the way of Your laws, which You set before us through [Your Word and] your servants the prophets.

¹¹ Yes, all of us have transgressed Your laws, Lord, turning aside – [paying attention to other voices instead of Your voice – to find excuses to not obey Your Word. Therefore, there is a curse that attaches to the sin – the curse that is the opposite of the blessing that comes when we walk in Your righteousness.  The curse is because we have sinned against You.]

¹² Unless we return, this curse will affect all of us, [from leaders on down to the least of us.]

¹³  Even though we see the evil that has begun to come upon us, we have not earnestly begged for forgiveness and entreated the favor of the Lord our God, that we might turn from our iniquities and have understanding and become wise in Your truth.

¹⁴ Therefore the Lord has kept ready the calamity (evil) and [unless we repent it will be] brought upon us, for the Lord our God is uncompromisingly righteous and just in all His works which He does; and we have not obeyed His voice.

¹⁵ And now, O Lord our God, Who brought Your people forth out of the land of Egypt with a mighty hand and secured Yourself renown and a name as at this day, Our Lord God [who established this nation as One Nation Under God,] we cry out to You and confess that we have sinned, and we have done wickedly in Your sight by not following Your ways.

¹⁶ O Lord, according to all Your righteousness & justice, I beseech You to let Your anger and Your wrath be turned away from [Your people in America – the people here who are called by Your Name. ] Do not let us and our leaders become a reproach and a byword to all who are around about us.

¹⁷ Now therefore, O Lord our God, please listen to and take heed of the prayers of Your servant and my supplications! And for Your own sake, too, cause Your face to shine upon Your sanctuary which is desolate.  [Lord, please shine with love and mercy on your Church in America!]

¹⁸ O my God, please be patient with us and incline Your ear and hear; open Your eyes and look at our desolation and the look with mercy on [the Nation which was called from its infancy by Your name]; for we do not present our supplications before You because of our own righteousness and justice, but because of Your great mercy and loving-kindness.

We cry out for great mercy in the midst of our repentance. [We cry out for repentance before the great calamity!]

¹⁹ O Lord, we cry out to you to hear us! O Lord, forgive us! O Lord, give heed to our cries and act with great mercy and loving kindness, to bring us back to You! Please do not delay, for Your own sake, O my God, because [Your chosen ones in this nation] are called by Your name.

- Help me, Lord, to understand the ways of your kingdom and the response in heaven to the prayers of your servants.  I want to be aware of the spiritual battle that causes me to want to shrink back from the high call of prayer and the high call of calling upon your name for mercy on behalf of the people whom you love.

Hope for Peter. Hope for John. Hope for you and me.

Peter was prone to jumping out of boats in his passionate zeal.  He often acted and spoke before thinking.  John, on the other hand, preferred the place of resting his head against Jesus’ chest, quietly pondering Jesus’ words.  Two very different people, indeed!  But both were brought into the inner circle of three – Peter, James, and John.

Consider if scripture read like this:

Peter eagerly climbed over the edge of the boat, and walked out on the water toward Jesus.   Upon taking his eyes from Jesus and staring at the waves in fear, he started to sink.  He cried out to the Lord, “Help me!”  But Jesus replied, “Oh, Peter, you of little faith; you are so impulsive.  You thought you could do it on your own, and then you stopped trusting me!  Now I must let you sink to the depths of what you deserve.”  Then turning to the disciples, Jesus said, “Let this be an example to you.  Only if you have faith and do not doubt will you be able to be leaders in my kingdom.”

Or, what if instead, Jesus rescued Peter  and then  said to him, “Peter, I’m giving one more chance to prove your love and faith in me.”  And then after the resurrection, imagine Jesus saying to Peter, “I gave you a chance and you blew it.  You denied me, Peter.  Therefore, you have no part of me.  Be gone from my presence.”

Although it is hard for us to imagine Jesus saying these things, sometimes we relate to God this way, don't we?  We disqualify ourselves based on our actions, when Jesus wants us to grow and learn from those very things we think are unforgivable.

On the other hand, try to imagine this scene with John:

As John rested his head against Jesus’ chest, he asked, “Lord, why did you call Peter out to walk on the water and not me?”  And Jesus replied to John, “I know you love me, but you are so timid and weak.  Unless you get some courage, I don’t know if I can use you.  I have big plans for you, but you must stop being such a namby-pamby guy and man-up a bit.”

Again, we cannot imagine Jesus speaking to John this way, but we tend to imagine the Lord speaking to us that way.  Why?

The fact is that Jesus chose Peter AND John and had patience with them both.  They were two very different men, created for two very different purposes.  Jesus knew that Peter would climb over the edge of the boat and walk to him – that’s the way Peter was created.  Jesus also knew that John and the other disciples were not likely to do so.  He never chided them for this, though..  Note that Jesus also accepted John’s quiet ways without saying, “The rest of you disciples need to relax a little and spend some quiet time here near me.”

Peter’s boldness and impulsiveness may have brought him trials, but it also brought him great victories.  Jesus called him “rock” and later Peter became an incredible leader in the church.  He experienced things like being set free from prison by an angel!

John’s quiet nature may have kept him from the thrill of walking on water, but it also kept him from the agony of denying Christ.  John went on to experience, and write, the book of Revelation!  And he didn’t miss out on seeing healing miracles either – he and Peter worked hand in hand, when they went to pray – and saw a lame man take up his mat and walk and leap, praising God.

In America today we tend to honor those who are bold and courageous in an outward fashion more than those who lead quiet lives of prayer and intimacy.  But Jesus shows us that he values both personalities to the utmost.   He does not shame the Peters of this world, scolding them for being bold and brash.  Nor does he shame the Johns of this world, scolding them for not “jumping out of the boat.” 

Remember, the one whom Jesus praised was Mary of Bethany, who sat at Jesus’ feet to listen, while her sister scurried about, worrying about everything being “just right” for her guests.  Jesus said, “Mary has chosen what is best and it will not be taken from her.”

There is great hope for you, whether you are more like Peter, more like John, or any other personality.  God created each of us for a unique destiny and unique relationship with him.  So, I can just stop the silliness of wishing I were more like someone else, and simply enjoy knowing and serving Christ in the unique way he made me!

My prayer: “Jesus, I choose to rest in who I am today – who you uniquely created me to be!  Help me to bring you honor and glory by not trying to be like anyone else, but instead let me rejoice and glory in what you bring my way today. I rejoice in both my strengths and my weaknesses and I accept YOUR strength with which I can do all things you call me to do.  Amen.”    

The Path Called Compromise (a poem)

Strolling along, hand in hand,

But going nowhere

slowly

Meandering, unsure.

Marching toward mountains,

but then retreating at roadblocks

Tiptoeing into sheltered retreats.

Wondering why the path revisits

this same tired scenery:

Stagnant pools,

Where the bored and complacent

share complaints freely.

I haven’t a clue how we got here,

‘cept we kept not choosing

the overgrown paths -

of the road less traveled.

Poem, Beyond

Me.

I tend to be

Split into a dozen disparate rays,

Attention dispersed,

Distracted.

You

Rein me in

Gather my meandering musings

Into one beam,

Laser locked,

Stillness.

Here I am the mirror

Reflecting eternally emitted radiance.

and shadows retreat

so I can see

Your hope

Alive inside,

Dispelling distraction, darkness, dread,

Unlocking the door

To eternity.

That was then … This is NOW.

Today I grab hold of that which pulls me up and into YOU, my LORD and my GOD. 

I do not rely on yesterday’s experiences and yesterday’s manna.  They fed me, encouraged me, and built me up; I am forever changed.  Yet here I am today, hungry and thirsty, with the need to:

1.   Drink deeply from the wells of salvation
2.  Commune with my Lord
3.  Receive a fresh impartation of Holy Spirit wind and fire

Today is the day of salvation for me – for us all.  I will drink deeply from salvation wells, relishing in the delicious living water, the one who is my Lord. 

Today is the day of repentance – turning from what I need to leave behind and turning toward what I want to pursue – MORE of HIM.

Today I walk out my salvation in fear and trembling.  Far be it from me to settle for less.

Today I call out for a fresh baptism of Holy Spirit fire.  Why settle for less today than fresh wind and fresh fire?

Today I call out for deep abiding and awareness of that abiding.  I am my beloved’s, today.  He is mine, today.   

Yesterday is but memory.  Tomorrow is but hope.  Right now I embrace the reality of abiding in Him.

And tomorrow, Lord willing, I will do it all over again.

The Cross

A personal prayer ...

Help me, Lord, to love well today - to love you and love my family in a way that is pleasing and acceptable to you.  I know that I live on that precarious line of balance – where there is a temptation to move either into more activity or into a drowsiness.  Help me to steady myself here where I only embrace that which you give me – no more, but no less.

I want to be fully awake today – awake to know your love and to know the heights of love to which you are drawing and calling me!  Draw me after you and let us run together.  I will rejoice in you and be glad!

Keep my mind from worthless things!  I want to know YOU, LORD!

I am so apt to think of me instead – of my discomfort and what I give up.  But in this holy week I reflect on what should truly be on my mind – your sacrifice, Jesus.  You are the one who agonized and sweat drops of blood – because of me and my sin and your desire that I should be reconciled to you.  Oh, how you wanted to avoid the horrifying nature of your death - to the point that you sweat tears of blood and cried out for another way.  We can see that as a human you were fully aware of how much it would hurt, physically and spiritually, to have that sin upon you and have the Father turn his back on you as you breathed your dying breaths, so painfully drawn.  And yet you said, “Yes.  Father, let your will be done and not mine.” 

How absolutely pitiful it is for me to not want to give up even the little comforts and conveniences, to make small sacrifices for more time with you; I am hooked on the habits and desires that fill my spoiled existence.  How can I reconcile a desire to please you and walk in your ways with this life that is so full of me and my ways?!  It is ridiculous.

Yesterday, after a day of focusing a lot on self – just in the regular mundane way of this world – I sat down to read the mail.  And what was there?  Letters, updates.  I read the accounts of those who are suffering for Jesus (CRU and Gospel for Asia) – those going to great lengths of discomfort and pain, even to death threats, to bring the gospel to others.  They have counted the cost and made their choice to follow where few will go, and to keep their faith even when their relatives are so deeply opposed that they are beaten.  

And yet I struggle with such stupid trivial things – like how do I choose to journal and pray while the rest of my family watches a movie?  And how do I respond to one who says, “I can’t enjoy it unless you are there next to me”?  So small a sacrifice for me, really, to just stand up and say, “I choose Christ today.”  While people across the globe must say, “I choose Christ,” in the face of beatings and being disowned (or murdered), am I too weak to say, "I choose Christ," in these very small things?

Oh, me of little faith and small love!  Is there any hope for me? 

Lord, I feel stupid confessing and repenting again.  I feel ashamed and unworthy.  I feel like I will certainly fall again lest your mercy and grace wash over me and change me completely.  I need YOU to be here in me in a new way!

I come to you in weakness and beg of you for strength!  I am simply me – and so weak!

In the other room (in the incubator from science club) a duckling struggles to be free of the shell.  It cheeps pitifully, repeatedly, and thrashes about the Styrofoam brooder amongst the still intact eggs.  Oh, how I would prefer to pull the shell away, set it free from the desperate struggles!  But God reminds me to let it fight for freedom on its own.  With each desperate effort, it grows stronger.  Perhaps this one will be the strongest of the bunch, stronger than those whose struggles lasted minutes rather than hours.

My Father reminds me, “I love thee far too well to leave thee in they self-made hell.” (quote from Hannah Huranards Hinds Feet on High Places).   I must embrace the struggle to be free from this shell, this cocoon of me and the comfort that I crave.  Perhaps my self-made hell is made of this – a demand that things come easily, readily, without struggles.  Could it be that MY road to hell is paved with good intentions -- intentions that are carefully assigned to tomorrow and next year and five years from now? 

This world - my American life -  is a place of distraction and sedation, and admittedly there are times when I crave it more than I crave true Life.  Father, forgive me!  I know that the way of the world is not for me.  I know that you are calling me into a place of engaging fully with you and fully with those you give me to love.  Forgive me, Lord, for my hesitancy to follow.

Father, help me understand that the road of ease and comfort is not mine - nor should I seek it.  When I embrace it, I am embracing a dangerous path.  I cannot afford to compare, to make light of my transgressions by comparing them to other things.  I live here – in the land of opportunity and excess. Here I must live -- on the shores of the River Compromise -- but to dip my toes in that river ... is to invite the spirits of deception to lure me further in.  

No!  I must not be deceived.  I must turn radically, with deliberate intent, toward the cross.  I must cling to the foot of the cross and call out to the only one who can bring true life, lest I be swept away to drift along the river that leads to the slow death of complacency and laziness.

I choose the cross!

Intercession is one cross I bear.  Years ago at a prayer and worship meeting (at C-HOP)  my three year old (my youngest) drew a picture of several crosses with stick figures on them.  They were bleeding.  And when I asked her about the picture, she said, "That is us.  We are praying."  The reality spoke volumes to my heart, and I must remember it now.  We climb up on our crosses to pray.  We are not here as couch potatoes reciting prayers.   We are willingly embracing the suffering of Jesus and the suffering of the lost, broken, and hurting.  This lost art of intercession.  This lost art of compassion - to suffer with, to embrace.

I realize that it is hard to know You, Jesus, on the road that is comfortable and pleasant.  Godliness with contentment is great gain, but contentment without godliness can slip me right into complacency, and comfortable living can slowly slide me down into dullness.  I must resist the dullness by pushing harder into your presence.  I must resist the complacency by pressing on more purposefully to the prize!

I must remember the embrace  -- the embrace of praying for others.  My Lord, you embrace me with your love, so that I can embrace others with your love.  May I crave the embrace not for me alone but for all those whom you will embrace with your love through me – all those for whom I pray.  May I continue to press in for their healing and wholeness, and mine.

I press in for healing and wholeness, not just for me, but for those whom you have given me to pray for.  I embrace them in this time of prayer and I thank you for the miracles that you are doing!

Lord, forgive me for taking this all too lightly.  I want to be one who clings to the cross.